I forgot

I forgot how lovely fog over a mountain range is as a storm is beginning to simmer in the distant sky.

I forgot that sometimes, it's necessary to drive West so you can eventually get to East.

I forgot how many memories this place holds for me (I really do feel that way - the memory holding me, not the other way around).

Being here this time, I forget why I left and consider how easy it would be to simply stay.
Easier than living in Indiana for the summer.
                      Easier than growing
                               Easier than living with people

           Easier than change, transition and compromise


But this is what I want, I think.
              I was never happy with easy.


                                   But I would really be ok with it sometimes.

The latest

100 tomato plants in the ground.

The potatoes are coming up!

And the onions.

The ducks are bigger.

Corn has not yet come up.

Sarah moves out here in two weeks.

My brother might be home in two weeks (I am praying this is true).

Poison Ivy has become an epidemic.

I feel like bugs are crawling on me.
The grey weather is taking a toll on my thinking and Being.

               I love the rain, yes, but I'm getting antsy for what I don't know
                                 maybe it's just being in the same place


           Maybe it's spending last weekend with a bunch of artists.
                       Older than me.
                        People who are struggling
                                         in their spiritual walks,
                                         in their relationships


           And I wonder sometimes if it will ever get easier
                            I am told that it doesn't

                                                                                           How does one make peace with that?

4? May 2011 journal ramblings

Someone said on the wrapper of a Dove chocolate
                  "When two hearts race, both win."

                   I wonder how much she was paid to coin that phrase.
                                   
                              I wonder if he actually believes it

                    I wonder that any relationships actually happen


But we're a lonely people looking for answers

                  bigger than ourselves

But only as big as the boy next door



I know what it is to walk through Art
with Art when it is the only language I can still remember how to speak.
     
              They don't understand.
                               That is fine.

                                              It isn't the point.

                                    It's bigger than yourself if you allow Being to lead

                     Being
                             Be still and know

                                     Be still and
                                             
                                             Be still
       
                                                    Be

                       
          I only now understand what that meant
                                  Did they?

                                        Did they really know about Being?

                         Who told them

         (who told me)

                            Where do we go from here.

Almond with hints of chamomile

If only people lived their lives with as much purpose as a briar patch.  At least a thorn knows what it's supposed to do and executes it to the best of its ability.

Killed an animal for the first time this week

Warning:  graphic photos attached of the very real process of chicken butchering.  Not to deter you; this is the reality of where our food comes from.

7 roosters down; the coop is much more friendly now, everyone's much happier (at least the fourteen hens, one rooster, and us - we don't have to feed them nearly as much).  It's not as hard as I thought it would be.  Not the actual process required, but the act of killing an animal.  I expected it to bother me more, or be difficult somehow.  I feel way more awesome now, and pretty bad ass to be eating food that I raised in my bathroom (well, not the whole time).

Pictures below for you enjoyment: