4th of July - Independence Day?

Sarah asked me how I felt about the military the other day

This year is the first time the 4th of July has meant anything to me, struck any chord in my being.  I was sad that the army was the only branch represented  (I guess it makes sense; if they had every branch at every parade at every small town in the country, they might run out).  I observed the onlookers, wondering if they understood anything, recognizing how easily (as Americans) we can remove ourselves from what is really happening in the world and simply pick something that is popular and exciting to follow, or be against without having any experience or real knowledge on which to base that decision.  My little brother is training to be a Navy Seal (what does that even mean?).  I went to a Mennonite College (what does that even mean?).  I don't think the military is wrong, I just don't think we use it very well most of the time.

I think there is a lot to be said for a country that claims to be the greatest country in the world.  In essence, they are not so great as they seem.  There is a lot of value and growth in humbly realizing the actual state of Being.  It would make a greater country (any country) if they first would acknowledge their own lack of greatness.

I expected to forget to blog sooner than this so I think I'm doing pretty good.

The latest big updates:

-First farmer's market day two weeks ago (Laporte, IN).  Rocking success, we made 7.50 in the red (after expenses) and celebrated at Backroad Brewery in Laporte.

-The chickens have started laying eggs, but not yet realized that a nesting box is really the safest home for them, not the middle of the driveway.

-Beefsteak (the white, broiler chicken) is no longer with us.  A fox or hawk is our guess.  Probably a hawk; we had a hawk scare last week, tried to get one of the ducks (you'd think they would go for a smaller animal).

-The ducks have a newly installed swimming pool.

-I haven't gotten any further in my book-reading recently.  I think it's mostly that I'm stuck on Madame Bovary and not enjoying it at all, but Sean keeps sending good literature my way.

-I learned to play ukelele.

-I want to be in a rock band, soon

If you write me a letter, I promise to write back, so you should because it's the most reliable way to hear from me.

5032 N 500 E
Rolling Prairie, IN 46371

"how to talk so people listen" is the name of the book on the shelf
what about "how to listen so people talk"?
isn't that what we really need to learn better
i think someone missed the point somewhere and forgot that everyone else wants to be heard as well
one hour down
i miss spending time in libraries, i think i could stay here for hours
and they have coffee
coffee
caffiene
i finally slept well last night because they dog wasn't howling
and the cat wasn't trying to pee in my bed
the chickens were fed
and i don't have to think about doing this by myself anymore
i love love love to plan
it's hard to let go, that's how the wind blows
as i sit on the front porch, sipping mate
watching chickens fail at attempts to jump on top of my car
(how are they so dumb?)
wishing i could be as carefree as my lifestyle
if only my mind were as slow as the listless breeze
in the leaves of the trees
they've grown there for oh so long
time to go home
Ro is calling
and probably my cellphone but i wouldn't know
i left it sitting on the coffee table in the living room

I forgot

I forgot how lovely fog over a mountain range is as a storm is beginning to simmer in the distant sky.

I forgot that sometimes, it's necessary to drive West so you can eventually get to East.

I forgot how many memories this place holds for me (I really do feel that way - the memory holding me, not the other way around).

Being here this time, I forget why I left and consider how easy it would be to simply stay.
Easier than living in Indiana for the summer.
                      Easier than growing
                               Easier than living with people

           Easier than change, transition and compromise


But this is what I want, I think.
              I was never happy with easy.


                                   But I would really be ok with it sometimes.

The latest

100 tomato plants in the ground.

The potatoes are coming up!

And the onions.

The ducks are bigger.

Corn has not yet come up.

Sarah moves out here in two weeks.

My brother might be home in two weeks (I am praying this is true).

Poison Ivy has become an epidemic.

I feel like bugs are crawling on me.
The grey weather is taking a toll on my thinking and Being.

               I love the rain, yes, but I'm getting antsy for what I don't know
                                 maybe it's just being in the same place


           Maybe it's spending last weekend with a bunch of artists.
                       Older than me.
                        People who are struggling
                                         in their spiritual walks,
                                         in their relationships


           And I wonder sometimes if it will ever get easier
                            I am told that it doesn't

                                                                                           How does one make peace with that?

4? May 2011 journal ramblings

Someone said on the wrapper of a Dove chocolate
                  "When two hearts race, both win."

                   I wonder how much she was paid to coin that phrase.
                                   
                              I wonder if he actually believes it

                    I wonder that any relationships actually happen


But we're a lonely people looking for answers

                  bigger than ourselves

But only as big as the boy next door



I know what it is to walk through Art
with Art when it is the only language I can still remember how to speak.
     
              They don't understand.
                               That is fine.

                                              It isn't the point.

                                    It's bigger than yourself if you allow Being to lead

                     Being
                             Be still and know

                                     Be still and
                                             
                                             Be still
       
                                                    Be

                       
          I only now understand what that meant
                                  Did they?

                                        Did they really know about Being?

                         Who told them

         (who told me)

                            Where do we go from here.

Almond with hints of chamomile

If only people lived their lives with as much purpose as a briar patch.  At least a thorn knows what it's supposed to do and executes it to the best of its ability.

Killed an animal for the first time this week

Warning:  graphic photos attached of the very real process of chicken butchering.  Not to deter you; this is the reality of where our food comes from.

7 roosters down; the coop is much more friendly now, everyone's much happier (at least the fourteen hens, one rooster, and us - we don't have to feed them nearly as much).  It's not as hard as I thought it would be.  Not the actual process required, but the act of killing an animal.  I expected it to bother me more, or be difficult somehow.  I feel way more awesome now, and pretty bad ass to be eating food that I raised in my bathroom (well, not the whole time).

Pictures below for you enjoyment:

Sunshine!

I think most of the reason people don't enjoy folding laundry is because they haven't worked very hard to get it washed.  There's something satisfying in folding a pile of clothes that you just pulled from the line after hours of drying, after hours of washing.  I don't plan on doing my wash by hand on a regular basis by any means (I just didn't want to pay for gas to drive to La Porte, or a laundromat <there isn't one in Rolling anyway), but it won't bother me the next time I need to wait for the washer to get done to get going somewhere.


On a couple other notes, it's finally sunny!  I hear it isn't supposed to last long.  It was a dreary, dismal week.  We started running laps around the driveway to dispel some of the cabin fever.  First time in a year I've been able to run again (since breaking my foot awhile ago from rugball).  I appreciate my body a lot more now, for having to wait a year for it to work properly again.  They (whoever 'they' is) say that you spend five years of your life waiting (in line, at traffic lights, for your little brother to get out of the bathroom, for the wash to finish).  I think it's actually quite a bit longer than that if you count things like waiting for healing, personal growth, for people to grow up, for kids to move out of the house so you can get back to the rest of your life.  I don't know what that says about life, but I think it makes people either better for it, or just plain bitter.

What time is it?

Time to:

-Wake up Sean (generally occurs half an hour after I get up)

-Eat (happens throughout the day as necessary; largely based on taking breaks from 'work')

-Feed the chickens (afternoon-ish.  scraps are fed to them in the morning)

-Wash the dishes (before it's dark inside.  Have you ever tried washing dishes by candlelight?)

-Make music (most often happens after dark, or on Sunday afternoon)

-Read books (also after dark.  We've finished Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy aloud)

-Work outdoors (can include planting, putting in a fence, picking up sticks, working on the chicken coop, mulching the garden, installing tire swings, shepherding chickens)

-Work indoors (can include vegetable transplanting, vacuuming, dishes, dancing)

For your viewing pleasure, this is where most evenings are spent (book reading, music making, hosting guests, etc.)

These are the chickens on their first day allowed outside the coop:

Rolling Prairie, IN

The odour of ammonia floats through the air as my next-door neighbor (by that, I mean across the road and up the street a little ways) sprays his field with who knows what, but I think something that smells like ammonia can't be good for something like dirt, let alone the things you're growing in it.  That's just my take on the matter.

Welcome to the farm (she doesn't have a name yet.  that's probably something we should activiely work on...soon.  however, a few other things have taken precidence such as starting vegetable transplants, mulching the garden, tilling the garden, finishing the chicken coop that the chickens are already living in, hosting guests...well, you get the picture).  I think I was expecting this to be more stress-free/care-free than it actually is, but I suppose the things you carry in your Being go with you and interact with the world regardless of what it is you're doing.  Add to the personal list of things to work on.  Along with that, I do want to be playing music more.  That's in the plans for summer.  Musical instrument count:  4 guitars, 1 ukulele, 1 didgeridoo, 1 djembe, 1 flute, 1 harmonica.  It's hard to play music after a long day of work, and only having candlelight, but I think it's a little of just trying to settle into a regular schedule.

Speaking of candlelight, that's what we use.  Do we have electricity?  Yes.  Do we use it?  As needed  (i.e. to run the refridgerator, the grow light, the water pump).  Why?  1.  We don't really need it.  The sun provides plenty of light in the day to get done what we need to get done in daylight.  2.  Sleeping with the natural cycles of the sun.  I realize this isn't extremely long  yet, but when you're working in the garden at 6.30 in the morning (we're on central time), you really don't feel the need to keep working hard after dinner time.  3.  It gets rid of the need to keep doing.  Somehow it has been distilled into American thinking (perhaps thinking in general) that if there is light, natural or not, we have to be working.  Working on 'doing' less and 'being' more. (this is something I didn't realize until we were using candles as our light source after dark)

Side note:  I'm learning a lot about what it means to be a homeowner.  Taking out storm windows and putting in screens just isn't very fun.  And the septic backing up?  (though there is a slightly entertaining story there, at least).  I'm also curious as to where the idea of landscaping and how ridiculous it is sometimes if you think about it.  I can understand wanting a place to look nice but, the amount of time and energy (and money!) people put into yards just seem a little ridiculous as I'm trying to clean out the winter brush so the flowerbeds (at the visible ones) look presentable.  Crazy if you ask me.